Calmly our teacher discussed

The Decision
By Mike Schiller

the developments with our class

my mind was elsewhere

off to college in only a few months

after four long years of high school

I was finally going to be free

so all this talk of current events

did little to distract me from my

thoughts and aspirations

after college I planned on going

on to medical school

I had always excelled in biology,

and my dream was to be a doctor

I was valedictorian, a straight �A� student

For once I could relax as graduation

was only three weeks away

My medical ambitions were accidental

My girlfriend had died of pneumonia

as I sat helplessly by her side in the hospital

I promised myself that I would study to be a doctor

so that other people wouldn�t have the endure

the pain I felt the day I lost her.

I haven�t dated since.

The bell startles me, and the teacher dismisses the class.

On my way home I stop at the comic book store

I know, I should�ve outgrown them by now

I actually have a huge collection, over 900 comics

lots of first issues, though to get those

it took months and months

of saving all the money I made working at the Gap

I�ve had to cut back on comics this year, though,

since I had to split the cost

of my first year�s tuition with my parents.

They just installed a new swimming pool,

so this year they said I needed to do my part

and chip in for my education.

Today, though, I�m going to treat myself

to some comics since I�ve already paid up my share

of the college costs for the year

I get home, and my father�s standing at the door

with a strange look on his face

He asks me to come into the living room and sit down

A letter arrived today, he tells me�

I won�t be going to college�

I�ve been drafted into the military.

No, I tell him, I�m not joining the military-

but he cuts me off and tells me I have no choice

He starts talking about learning �tough lessons� and �discipline�

though I know he�s lying. he may believe his lies, but they�re still lies.

I tell him I�m not going,

I�ll spend my life in hiding if I have to

He screams at me about doing what I�m told

and storms off into my room, takes my comics

and tosses them into the garbage.

He wails about patriotism and honor

Things he knows nothing about.

a patriot is someone who loves their country�s values

and war is not an American value,

it�s not even a human value�

But he won�t listen

He says he still controls my bank account, I�m under 18

My money is his, according to the law

He will force me to go, by denying me the money I earned

leaving me with no way out

The next morning they wake me up early

and drive me to the training camp I was assigned to

Barely even saying good-bye they drive away

leaving me in this strange place

by myself, though I�m surrounded by people

Quickly I learn that I�m now nothing more

than a piece of property in the eyes

of the people I�ve been entrusted to

I�m given orders, and told I don�t have the right

to question what I�m told to do�

I don�t have the right to say no to anything.

So much for our being a free country

Within weeks I�m not even living in our country

I�m in the middle east, on a U.S. base

training for this war that�s been going on for months

My parents bragged about supporting this war

as if they had any clue what it was about or

what was happening to their own son who was sent here

I�ve never been physically strong

in school I couldn�t carry more than two text books at a time

so I�m subjected to constant insults and ridicule

They force me to perform strenuous labor

in the hopes it will make me stronger, but that doesn�t happen

My strength was always my mind, but nobody here

is interested in my mind

to these people, I�m just an object, a disposable object.

One day, I collapse while jogging

the heat was too unbearable

I was dehydrated, and I felt sick

I hear the sergeant yelling at me but can�t even

figure out what he�s saying

I�m dizzy, delirious, my mind feels like it�s melting

the sergeant seems to be getting closer

I hear his voice grow louder

but my entire body is in pain,

weeks and weeks of labor I was never physically built for

exercises my doctors had always advised me against

nobody was willing to listen when I told them

I wasn�t able to do this, but they said,

�we don�t know the definition of the word can�t�

but I, the aspiring doctor know that all living things

are limited only to what their bodies will allow

and now my legs are swelling in agony

The feeling of paralysis overcomes me

I was never meant to be here

I was meant to be in medical school

and now my arms are melting in the sun

and my eyes are red, my head is throbbing,

and the veil of sleep creeps up on me

and I know I�m about to faint

when my right leg is lifted into the air

and I�m dragged across the field

and that angry voice, the sergeant, is

moving across the field with me

He�s dragging me, my face scraping against the dirt

and suddenly he stops for a moment

and then shoves me into some sort of short wooden box

and locks the door

I had heard about these, they�re used as disciplinary tools

they leave you there for days like an animal

as punishment for �disobedience�

I should be in a hospital getting medical treatment

not locked away in a box!

my conditions only worsen over the next day

my fever rises, but I�m able to sleep a little

I get bitten by insects I can�t even see

I couldn�t tell how much time went by,

but there was no light coming through the side

of the box when it happened

I heard a loud bang nearby, then several more,

the camp was under attack

nobody came for me

it only lasted a few minutes, the fire

which engulfed my body in those last moments of life

The last thing which entered my mind

was the painful realization

that my parents had never loved me

If they had, they wouldn�t have sent me to die in this war

they wouldn�t have cheered when this war was declared

The only thing they cared about was their self-image

So much so that my life meant nothing to them

in comparison to their desire

to perceive themselves as morally superior beings

and that was what I died for

I died so my parents could believe themselves �good citizens�

My parents had never voted, not once in their entire lives.

I was their sacrificial offering to nobody,

and their sacrificial offering to everybody.

As the fragments of my bones began to split into tiny pieces,

and my throat melted in flames fueled by my burning blood,

that final moment revealed but one truth�

By approving of my abduction and induction into that war,

By approving of the war itself,

By their complicity in the fate that befell me,

My parents were as responsible for my death

as the people who had dropped the bomb that killed me.

Some graduation present.

Contact Mike Schiller