Mariesa Stevens

Fascination

I see so much in your dark eyes
My own infatuation
Your humiliation
Your frustration
I see you as a little boy
Gentle and shy
Not the monster I see before me
Bruises on my skin
Sometimes I don’t know where your fists end
And where I begin

The scars have begun to fade
It’s just my guilt that remains
I had to run, had to break the chain
Had to leave and never look back
Takin' that humiliation, takin' that frustration
Causing me this suffocation, this degradation
I wish I was stronger than what you put in your veins
Wish I was what you needed to heal the pain.

Life of the Party

You bust through the door

Garish and colossal

Your finger tips on my bare shoulders

Send a spark, and undeniable current though my body

I wanna walk away but I can’t

When our eyes meet you know it is true

I make myself busy as you scurry around the room socializing

But you are sure I stay close

With a glance or the way you brush against me in the crowd

You steal sweet kisses in dark corners

You throw me up on bathroom counters

You run through me like a drug

A high I can’t seem to stay away from

I’ll be all of it, all of what you need

Sweet and tender like your mother

Your cute girly girl

Your dirty dirty girl

Every now and then you let me in

I can see through those party eyes

To your cavernous soul

I see the face that laughs so much

To avoid the tears

Your mouth against mine, your body touching mine

In the morning I awake, like a bad 80’s love song

I am left with the scent of your old cigarettes and rum and coke

In my hair and on my skin

And one more time I say

I’ll never do that again…….

Run

How do you run away from a past you want to forget?
A past of a little girl crying
Tears spill from her eyes and form puddles in her small hands
That little girl crying
Her soul dying
From a little girl to a young woman full of doubt
Secretive and ashamed
Years spent over a toilet
Trying to perfect a body she could barely look at
She got her love from boys
Boys who kiss and tell
Boys who would k her then diss her
How do you run from years of bruises and scars?
Some from her hands
Most from the hands of others
So much broken
Her heart
Her dreams
Her faith
Unable to escape eyes so empty and anguished
Tired and lost
She just stopped
She just stopped running
With fists clenched
With new dreams and hopes
With forgiveness and acceptance
With her heart open
She crawls out of the past tangled in pain and darkness
She steps into the warm light of what is the future
What is today.

Mariesa currently resides in Los Angeles, California. Aside from poetry she is a regular spoken word performer and dabbles in a little painting. She is currently writing a play with her best friend.

Contact Mariesa Stevens